The love supreme

19.3.08

...Ok...where was I...

...before that little drop off the planet..

..it seems so much has happened....and yet I haven't been a part of it... Ive been either at work....or sound asleep.... and nothing in between.

So....heres a recap....

Brent.... turned 19.... Happy Birthday to my Henry!
We had a mini celebration on the following evening .... (as half the family were at work the evening of his birthday)....we did the traditional chocolate pudding cake.... and a few dog-eared quickly melting candles...along with a very out of tune version of Happy Birthday....as we watched the candles melt into the very hot pudding.
I do feel bad that is was low key this year..... but his idea of a celebration is definitely changing as he gets older ...and my energy level was about the lowest in my life.

Mitch.... is Mitch. He is spending all his time either swimming in the River....footy training or work....I feel I have barely seen him....but then I guess you need your eyes open to see...and mine have been shut a lot of the time.
His mate from the rope swing is in Adelaide in hospital.....he slipped on the wet rope as he swung over the bank....resulting in 2 fractures -cervical spine...and 1 fracture- lumbar..... from what I have heard....and I hope this is right.... he has been very lucky....and should have no ongoing deficits..... but it is a frightening reality....and the very thing I have harped and harped to Mitch over the entire summer....I know kids have to be kids....but I'm terrified of these type of accidents.

Briony....is good... the quiet achiever.... working.....sport practice.... helping Ian stay sane and on top of things while I'm out of action.

Ian.... is my Saviour.... he has picked up the slack where I cant....he has phoned me every morning to check Ive got out of bed in time for work....and to check if I feel any better. He has shopped...cooked....cleaned...and tried to get the kids to do some more around the house.....(but no luck!....they just don't get it!!)
He has also spent a lot of time at the new shed.... sorting and moving things in....I have to say I'm a little envious....his new shed is functional... and my house is still a few weeks away.... but thats ok....its good for him.

Me..... well I have really battled this time after Chemo...... initially I felt better this time round....but going back to work one day after my dose was tough..... it meant no medication (as I cant drive and take it).....and it meant four 5.45am starts..... four 10 hour shifts.... in the stinking hot weather.... I was soooooooo tired.... so miserable....so ickky in the stomach.... that I pushed my self through each day.....drove home in tears on two days.....and then flopped on the bed ...where I pretty much stayed until I got out of bed at 5.45am the following day.

I feel like a bad Mother....I feel like I abandoned them all..... I wanted to be a part of what was going on.....but I couldn't bear being awake.

So...today.....I am off from work.....and I'm feeling better.... I think the worst has passed....and although I'm still flat I'm determined to get my act together.
So I'm pushing again.....this time to get the house clean....the washing and folding caught up.... beds changed.... shopping done.....I want to be here when the kids get home and talk with them....and be a part of the family again....

Im longing for the morning...coming soon I hope....where I wake and feel completely back to my normal sense of wellbeing.... so that I can enjoy and make the most of a few weeks...before I do it all again.

I'm also thankful the heatwave is over..... it was so draining.... and although we are quite accustomed to hot weather here.....it was taking its toll on everyone.

I think that will do today..... Ill be back with a far more positive post next time....
Thanks to everyone for your lovely comments.....emails....and messages..... they have been sooooo appreciated....and I have read and been thankful for each one of them...... I am however...quite behind with my answering.... email catchups are another thing on my to-do list.

15 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:35 am

    3 cheers for Ian for picking up the slack (as you call it). What a wonderful supportive husband.

    As for your comment about feeling like a bad mother. Stop thinking that right now!!!!

    Your NOT a bad mother, your fantastic but right now your just not able to do everything. Your allowed to take things easier when your not well. I don't know how you managed to go back to work in that heat when you only just had chemo. Your amazing!!!

    Hope your feeling better ASAP. Always keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I know you CAN get through this.

    Lots of love from Susan (smiles1965) xxxooo

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  2. Beautiful Mardi:)))
    You are AMAZING!!
    So, please don't be so hard on yourself!!
    One day, this will all be a distant memory...
    Hopefully, that will come about real quick:)))
    Helenxxxxxxxxxxx
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  3. Mardi, lovie, you have to ease up on yourself!!! You're sick girlie. You can't and shouldn't be doing everything you used to. Not for this little period.

    Please be nice to your body and your mind and rest up. We all want you to fully recover and your body needs to have rest in order to do that. There's a lot going on inside you atm. Lots of healing.

    A guy at my work has been going through chemo atm, and he has been away for the last two months. We all care for him very much and hope he's OK, but we don't expect him to be at work, in fact we're relieved that he's home taking care of himself and letting his body heal.

    OK, I'll put away my mothering tone now, lol.

    Yay for Ian. What a guy :)

    Happy birthday to Brent. Hot pudding would have been a tough gig on a forty degree day, lol!

    And I so wish that I wasn't at work when you come to town, and that I could actually catch up with you!

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  4. Anonymous1:49 pm

    Hi Mardi....I have not commented on your blog before...call me shy, but after today's post I wanted to give you a HUGE ((hug)) and say don't be too hard on yourself...wow what you are going through requires that you give your body time to rest/recuperate...don't feel bad for doing that. Put yourself first for a change because that's what's required Mardi. Love to you. Linda

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  5. I agree with the others Mardi, you need to be kind to yourself and not feel bad because your superwoman cape is in the cupboard for awhile. I'm sure it will come out brighter and shinier than ever closer to the end of this journey.

    Many hugs my friend, I know this is a really, really tough time right now but we are with you all the way.

    Allie x

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  6. Oh Mardi... sounds like you've had a really aweful time this time around...and the heatwave must have made things feel so much worse! (Thank goodness you're back to some cooler temps now at least!) I totally agree with the other girls... there's no need to push yourself so hard! As frustrating as it may be you need to listen to your body and take it easy. I really hope you're starting to feel much better. Sounds like Ian has been an amazing support for you which is fantastic.

    ((((BIG HUGS))))to you and don't be so hard on yourself!

    Happy Birthday to Brent!

    Thinking of you!
    Sheree xx

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  7. Mardi you are atrooper i don't know how you have managed to go to work and do what you do with having chemo as well.I take my hat off to you for doing what you do.And you are not a bad mother you are just a sick mum at the moment.And i'm glad to see that Ian is helping you so much.Take care of yourself.take care Kerry xx

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  8. Hi Mardi,
    I totally agree with what the girls have said - It is ok to rest up and look after yourself at the minute - this chemo is awful stuff but keeping think that it is doing you well in the long run - time goes very quick these days and before you know it this well be a memory and you will be your normal busy, well self. Ian has always been an amazing bloke so I have no doubt he will keep the ship afloat. Enjoy your days off,
    LOve Donna :-)

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  9. Oh Mardi thinking of you! I love your honesty and admire your strength. This too shall pass Mardi... Sending hugs, prayers and strength your way.

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  10. Anonymous3:58 pm

    Don't worry about catch ups - 'catch up without obligation'! LOL. And don't be so hard on yourself! I don't think I'd even be going to work myself ... maybe the pressures are different in your job but for me I know they can go on without me ...
    Thinking of you and hoping and praying that you feel wonderful again soon. Much love. Moi

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  11. Mardi I have never posted on your blog before (very slack of me in many ways). I just wanted to say how much I admire your courage and determination and your sense of humour through this very hard time in your life. 4 x 10 hours days - far out! You are one very strong lady.

    Alison

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  12. Yeah for Ian. You do have a great man there by the sounds of it.

    Stop thinking you are a bad mum right this minute there Missy. That is just so not you. Hope you are feeling my like your old self soon.

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  13. I agree, ur to hard on urself!
    U can't be all that u can & are right now....& it is ok, ur family knows & supports u.
    So don't come to the conclusion that ur a BAD MUM Again....ok chickie!
    UR a SUPER WOMAN! Seriously!

    So glad the heat wave has broken, because it means we get a cool change too ;P

    Hope ya feeling more "normal" (IYKWIM) again soon
    Jxx

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  14. Anonymous2:31 pm

    Amazing doesn't begin to comprehend what you do. I couldn't work if that was me and I would probably have headaches on top of it all. You are truly amazing Mardi and your friends and family don't care about this time in your life where you havn't got time to catch up or thank people - all we do care about is you, you looking after yourself, you taking the break you need and you not feeling guilty one iota that you need to do these things - so stop feeling guilty and forget the to do lists - you are too important and you need to look after yourself and let others look after you too. (sorry about all the you's)LOL And remember you are amazing. Love Court xx

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  15. Anonymous6:36 pm

    Rest and recoup your body needs this more then a clean house xx Honest xx

    Your a STAR xxx a beautiful and amazing person xx You will win the battle xx take care xx

    L xxx

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